Panda eats, shoots and leaves
vkovalevsky
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"Well, I'm a panda," he says. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."(c)

(no subject)
vkovalevsky
The Little Golden Calf (Zolotoy telyonok) in English

How to Leave the Planet
vkovalevsky
Due to the fact that there are increasing number of asteroids that have been falling to the Earth this instruction by Douglas Adams seems to be crucial as never before.

"How to Leave the Planet
1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it’s very important that you get away as soon as possible.
2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House—(202) 456-1414—to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don’t have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-9051). They don’t have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible.
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it’s vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives."
(c)Douglas Adams. Los Angeles 1983 and London 1985/1986

Reading the bash.org
vkovalevsky
<%wgluv2hunt> I was in a bar Saturday night, and had a few drinks.
<%wgluv2hunt> I noticed two large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> One of them screamed, "It's Wales you idiot!"
<%wgluv2hunt> So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> That's all I remember.
(с)

Frogmentation
vkovalevsky
-Frog, why you are so green, wet and ugly?
- It's just because I'm ill right now. But in general I'm so white and fluffy.

About fast food
vkovalevsky

The History of the English Language
vkovalevsky

About fans
vkovalevsky


I hope that this summer will be more cool and pleasant than previous, so we survive without help of huge metal fans.

(no subject)
vkovalevsky
Crime minister.

English
vkovalevsky
Now I continue to learn english. I was unpleasant surprised that my level only Pre-Intermediate. I know many english words, my vocabulary is not so bad, but the grammer... ooo... it's terribe. All this "do", "does", "has got", "has had" and more, twelve tenses is so much.

I read "The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (very laughing book), and watching the "X-men" cartoon film on Youtube. Hope that it will help me.

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